| The measure of a man's real character is what he | | | | Many forces can work upon a person's character, |
| would do if he knew he would never be found out. - | | | | helping to shape or mold it. Parents, coaches, and |
| Thomas McCauley | | | | teachers make their impression. So do good times, |
| I care not what others think of what I do, but I care | | | | hard times, joy and grief. But in the end each of us |
| very much about what I of what I do. That is | | | | has to decide who we really want to be, and make |
| character! - Theodore Roosevelt | | | | our choices. |
| Folly delights a man who lacks judgment, but a man | | | | Thoughts for Parents |
| of understanding keeps a straight course. - King | | | | Perhaps the most important point for parents to |
| Solomon | | | | remember is that we are not "raising children," rather |
| What is more valuable that our character? Is there | | | | we are "raising adults." |
| anything more valuable than good character? Is there | | | | We must purposefully consider what values, what |
| anything more worthy for us to focus effort in | | | | skills, what "world view" that we want our children to |
| developing? No. The most valuable lessons that you | | | | master so that they can be successful as adults. If |
| can teach your children are the lessons necessary to | | | | we are not purposeful in this endeavor then we will |
| form a good character. | | | | simply be leaving this responsibility to someone else - |
| Our character is defined by what we do, even when | | | | to our children's peers, their teachers, their coaches, |
| no one is looking. Our character is also defined by | | | | or the weird guy in the apartment down the street. |
| what we fail to do, or by what we choose on | | | | This is not a responsibility that we can give to |
| purpose not to do, even when no one is looking. | | | | another. We are the parents. |
| Character is a matter of the heart, and so it follows | | | | Teaching our children these values, skills, and |
| us wherever we go. It reveals itself in the choices | | | | world-view takes time, perhaps an enormous amount |
| we make. Character is doing the right thing, even | | | | of time. It is a big investment. This is where the |
| when no one is watching. | | | | "quality time" movement of the 1980s broke down |
| Our values are our understanding of what is right, or | | | | and created problems in families. Parents cannot |
| wrong. Courage is doing the right thing even when | | | | successfully teach values, skills, and proper |
| there is a cost involved. Responsibility is doing the | | | | world-view without an investment of "quantity time." |
| right thing just because it is the right thing to do. | | | | Fifteen minutes of "quality time" is no substitute for |
| Self-discipline involves the denial of selfishness for the | | | | four hours of quantity time. Each of us as parents |
| sake of self-improvement, or for the sake of other's | | | | have to make the important decisions in how we will |
| welfare. Honesty and Integrity involve the sacrificing | | | | spend each hour of our days, which reveals a lot |
| of the expedient in order to do the right thing, no | | | | about our own character. |
| matter the cost. | | | | It takes time to build better relationships with your |
| Character involves all of these virtues. It is the living | | | | children and teenagers, and quantity time invested is |
| out of these virtues in daily life by the habits that we | | | | the key to having a more successful family. |
| form, the choices that we make - hour by hour, day | | | | Thoughts for Athletes |
| after day. | | | | Sports are often seen as character building |
| We are too occupied with our own whims and | | | | opportunities, particularly it seems in our losses. When |
| fancies, too taken up with passing things. Rarely do | | | | our team loses badly we are usually told that it is a |
| we completely conquer even one vice, and we are | | | | lesson in humility (which it is) and that it is a lesson in |
| not inflamed with the desire to improve ourselves | | | | character building (perhaps). |
| day by day; hence we remain cold and indifferent. If | | | | However, after coaching athletes for many years I |
| we were to uproot even one vice each year, we | | | | have come to the conclusion that the greatest |
| should soon become perfect. The contrary, however, | | | | lessons to be learned from sports are the lessons |
| is often the case... - Thomas a Kempis, c. 1500 AD. | | | | learned, the character shaped, in paying the price to |
| A part of developing or refining our character is | | | | win. |
| found in taking an honest moral inventory of | | | | Losing is easy, and anyone can do it. But doing the |
| ourselves, and identifying what Kempis called "vices" | | | | hard work that it takes to win, working both in |
| in our lives that need to be removed. Then we need | | | | season and in the off-season, every day, being |
| to do the work to remove the vice from our lives, | | | | diligent and self-controlled, forming the habits that are |
| and replace the vice with a virtue. For example, if we | | | | necessary to win, this is the classroom that teaches |
| are impatient with others, then we purposefully work | | | | the great life-lessons of sport. This is the classroom |
| on removing that vice from our lives and replacing it | | | | that molds character. But we have to choose |
| with patience or charity for others - impatience | | | | whether or not we will submit to the teacher and |
| replaced with its "opposite," the virtue of charity. | | | | pay the price of success. |
| The challenges of life don't shape our character | | | | A Simple Tool for the Teaching of Wisdom and the |
| nearly as much as they reveal it. They clarify and | | | | Shaping of Character |
| bring to light what we have tried to keep private | | | | The wise King Solomon lived over 2,500 years ago. |
| about ourselves - both the good and the bad of our | | | | He had 700 wives and princesses, and 300 |
| natures. Life's challenges give us the opportunity to | | | | concubines in his harem, and who knows how many |
| pause and take that moral inventory. Then we can | | | | children. He was wealthy and considered the wisest |
| either take responsibility for our short-comings, and | | | | man of his time, as well as an excellent businessman |
| work to improve ourselves, or we can blame others | | | | and ruler. |
| for our problems and thereby avoid the need to ever | | | | Being a king, and having all those children, it was in his |
| work hard or to improve. | | | | best interest to write down a training manual in |
| There are very few things about ourselves that we | | | | "wisdom." After all, he needed to train his children to |
| can actually choose. We cannot choose our size or | | | | become leaders in the nation, from governors to |
| hair color. We cannot choose our parents, or our | | | | bankers, investment brokers to military officers. So |
| native language. But one thing that we can choose is | | | | he put together the classic collection of wisdom that |
| the quality of our character. | | | | we now call "The Book of Proverbs. |